Poly Scout Badges
A gift to the joy and challenges of living ethically non-monogamous
A project by Erin Jeavons-Fellows & Cosima Siegling
Each journey of living and loving non-monogamously is different, with its own challenges and magical sides. There are many things to learn – and many to unlearn. And while all journeys are unique, there are many similar stories and experiences which are shared amongst non-monogamous people. Exploring what love, romance and sex can mean on a diverse spectrum is truly an adventure.
What are these Polyamory Badges about?
We, this is Erin and Cosima, are metamours and friends. During the lockdown in early 2020 in Berlin, we talked with each other about our journey with being non-monogamous and what being a metamour has brought to our lives. Despite being at different points in our journey and having had different experiences, there were shared challenges and perks of being with more than one person. At the time, we really wished for a symbol – a badge – to give to each other.
We created these badges to celebrate and mourn those moments that you see in yourself and others while on your non-monogamy journeys.
Gift them to yourself, partners, lovers, friends, metamours,… to celebrate, to give a symbol of support, to say “I see you”, for pure fun and playfulness.
Since 2020 we design 30 different badges with descriptions. The badges are currently available as 36mm metal buttons with a matt finish. Along with this goes a booklet with the badges and descriptions. We have the badges available as digital stickers to use in your messenger apps for free. You find a full list of products below.
Do you sometimes feel like a clown in the arena of your life; trying to juggle kids, lovers, jobs, friends, NRE, caring for yourself, and dealing with life in general – it’s one big balancing act. You might feel the flow of all the balls flying and just landing in your hand at the right time. Sometimes you miss one and suddenly everything gets out of balance. Pick up the balls and try again.
Bonding, this moment when you look at each other and feel an upgrade in your connection. You can bond over many things, some small, small big or even some that arerather weird. A similar experience you had, favourites, finding yourself in yet another cuddle puddle together, sharing honest feelings with each other, grabbing a coffee, going for a boogie or cooking your favourite dish together.
Our playground is within our boundaries and they might change over time. I can only trust your ‘yes’, when I can trust your ‘no’. We often wanna please, be kind, be the good guy – but our boundaries are important and should be respected.
Who will finally develop an app for scheduling poly dating? Until then, get your calendar and schedule the shit out of it. Some people are just damn good at managing their available time for their lovers and partners. A well deserved calendar ninja badge!
Living ethical non-monogamous is still not the norm and often involves coming out to friends and family. Take the time you need, tell the people you who wish to tell. You are loved in your relationship style! It might be hard, but worth the liberation of being out and proud about who you love and share a life with.
Once upon a time, there was a magical Comm-unicorn. It was galloping through the forests. It had a special skill of always finding the right words, being kind and assertive. Being clear and cooperative. While some believe Comm-unicorns are just mythical creatures, we believe we all have a little Comm-unicorn inside of us.
Not all transitions in relationships are breakups. The language and narratives around breakups is harsh and doesn’t leave room for what can come after transitioning from one form of connection to another. Which indeed might be never talking to each other again. You two, three, four… were precious to each other and while you are maybe not romantic partners anymore, maybe you are still co-parenting, friends or occational lovers.
Standing up for yourself, sharing desires, stating boundaries, being vulnerable, sharing how you truly feel takes courage. We often choose the route of comfort. Today it’s time to choose courage.
Garden Party Polyamory: You are not as close with all your metas, meta metas, friends of partners, pets of partners to sit at a kitchen table, but you are happy to see and engage with them at social events and other occasions, like a garden party! Showing up in a larger social context can have its challenges and perks! Celebrate that!
The Great Descriptor
Entering the diverse landscape of relationships might leave us with a lack of language to describe the feelings, different kinds of connection we have with someone. Most of our words are normed for hetero monogamous romantic relationships. You can find your own words and describtions for the special connections you have in your life. My sweet queer potato lovey dovey. [Not available as a button]
Metamour – the partner of your partner. The people that you welcome into your life not by choice, but because your loved one loves them. Have you told your metamour lately that they rock (if they do)? Especially for someone newly discovering polyamory, it can be quite magical to discover metamour friendships. What does a great metamour mean to you? Maybe you enjoy deep bonding and metamour friendships or maybe the best metamour for you is the one that never contacts you. It is truly up to you to discover what kind of metamour relationship feels good to you.
Be kind to your heart. Relationship transitions, unmet desires, breakups… Letting someone go, a person, an idea, a vision, a life together hurts. You don’t have to go through it alone; be loving to yourself, reach out to friends or other partners. You are still loved and your heart will heal.
Compersion instead of competition. Compersion is the experience or feeling of joy when seeing your partner with another lover / partner. Compersion and jealousy often come hand in hand. I am happy to see you with someone else. And sometimes I am jealous. It’s okay, my dear. Enjoy the comperison and give yourself some extra self care and love if there is jealousy.
There are many small wins along the way that go unnoticed to others but are worth recognising within yourself. When discovering and learning something new like being in multiple relationships, you can find yourself stretching your boundaries. Your first time at a poly meetup, asking that long-time crush on a date, your first time making a vulnerable request. Celebrate the little wins in yourself!
Kitchen Table Polyamory: Having your lovers and metamours around the table for coffee. What a treat! It doesn’t mean you actually have to sit around a kitchen table together, but it means it would be possible as you all get along and like being visible, connected and in communication in your polycule constellation.
Relationships will make you grow. You will learn things about yourself and the world along the way. Look back and celebrate what the path of (non-monogamous) relationships has contributed to you becoming this blossoming human you are.
Yippie! You reached a milestone on your own path of living ethically non-monogamous. Maybe you felt compersion for the first time, maybe you went to a sex party together, maybe you had a first sleepover at your lover’s place, maybe you came out to someone important… It’s time to celebrate yourself, there was work done on yourself to get here!
NRE is the state of being experienced at the begiinning of sexual and romantic relationships, typically involving heightened feelings of explosive excitement. When a sexy new human strolls into your life, it can be too easy to get drunk on on that love juice. Navigate the ocean of new chemicals in your body, while holding the helm of your existing ships. Is it love? Is it lust? Is it an evening of romance?
Of course, not all parts of a polycule are friends or even in contact and that is totally fine. Some polyamory constellations try to integrate each other in their lives. So planning a birthday surprise for you mutual partner might be a super cool poly plotting experience. And isn’t that something special to celebrate?
Polyamory comes in different shapes and forms. Maybe you are a closed triad or you are wide network of connected people. Polyamory is not a one size fits all relationship model. Welcoming someone in your special constellation is beautiful. Letting go of ideas and narratives what relationships need to be is liberating. Creating the relationship constellation that suits your wishes and needs is the true magic of love.
Parallel Polyamory: When you are with your partner you are fully with them. You dive into your own relationship universe. Afterwards you let each other go into other relationship universes. You know they exist, but you let them seldomly cross over.
Who is that new person in the life of your partner? Will you get along? Not all metamours want to meet, some just hang out for a coffee once in a while and others become friends. First time meeting the meta can be nerve-racking, breaking the paradigms in your mind and heart that this person is competition. Together you can celebrate that you both find the same person totally awesome.
Long Distance Love
Having many miles between a partner and yourself brings its own moments of
heartbreak and joy! All you want is to turn
around in the morning and be there when they wake up – but instead you send a row
of kiss emojis. It is not easy to keep up love via distance. Texting, calls, letters – keeping the spark, support and love alive. Sometimes not knowing when the next time will be to touch that sexy butt again… But the anticipation of finally meeting again, hugging, feeling and smelling each other can be worth while travelling across an ocean. [Not available as a button]
How do you nourish yourself? Relationships, feelings, communication can take its toll sometimes, and our batteries run low. It’s time for self-love and self-care. Pat yourself on the back for what you already managed to do. Take some time for the most important relationship – the one with yourself.
Your go-to helper and trusting friend to support you in all life and relationship situations. You can tell them for the 10th time how cute and sexy that new human is, or how much your hurt hearts from a recent breakup.Your support superstar is always there for you, ready with a tub of ice cream to be eaten on the kitchen floor together.
“I appreciate you for. . . ” A simple phrase to acknowledge small and big efforts of other humans. Give this token of appreciation to someone who makes your life easier, happier and inspires you.
We all learn new things throughout our life, sometimes we pick the topics ourselves, sometimes we don’t. But what about the concept of unlearning something? It is hard to break through patterns and routines once it has been engrained in us. It needs active work to unlearn something and replace it with what suits you better. Practice learning… and unlearning.
On Etsy you can get:
- One full set:
28 buttons (37mm, metal, matt finish) + one booklet
- Mix & Match:
Choose individuale badges (buttons, 37mm, metal, matt finish) and the booklet
- Sticker Sheets:
Soon back in stock
- Designs for your Digital Planner
PolyScoutBadges as Digital Sticket Set